No matter how unworthy and undeserving of God's mercy I feel, God deserves my continued attempts at loyalty. My life on earth isn't about what I do or don't deserve, it is about what God deserves, and I want to give him what he deserves--the very best I have to give. I have come to appreciate that my relying on my own “understanding” of how worthless I am is actually a lack of trust in Jehovah’s care and mercy. So regardless of how many times I fail and fall, I am determined to get back up and keep trying. Even if I feel I deserve nothing but death, nonetheless Jehovah deserves my every attempt, however feeble, to be grateful for everything I have. Even when I feel I do not deserve anything from God, even when my own heart condemns me, I promise Jehovah that I will continue trying and not give up. Just having come to know Jehovah as the loving person that he is; just having come to understand his word, the Bible; just having a glimmer of what the New System is like through the worldwide brotherhood of the congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses is reward enough for me. I will continue to rejoice and find comfort in the fact that I serve “the happy God,” the God whom John said “IS [the very embodiment of] love,” the God that is more caring, more merciful than I can ever comprehend.
Note: After speaking with a dear friend who is likewise going through feelings of worthlessness, I was reminded about the above note I wrote myself a while back. After talking with that friend, I realized I am not alone. I share this in the hopes that others will find comfort in my personal reflection.