Thursday, December 8, 2016

Marriage - Why Wait?

I was reading an interesting article about fanaticism. In particular, paragraph five made an interesting point: “Crucially, males’ frontal lobes don’t fully mature until their late 20s, whereas those of women mature earlier.” I found this very interesting because about two decades ago I had read that one reason so many young marriages fail is that both partners were immature emotionally, intellectually, and even physically. But it didn’t substantiate its claim. I was 21 when I married and my wife was 19. I thought I was mature. I thought I reasoned on important matters correctly. Maybe I did. But after about five years of marriage my wife said to me that I wasn’t the same man she married. Instead of disagreeing, I responded, “I know, I grew up.”

Indeed, even if a young man shows himself responsible, according to the above he is still shaping attitudes, values and viewpoints. Not necessarily a bad thing. But it could confuse a young woman who notices character changes (however slight) in “the man she thought she married.”

So just what do the frontal lobes involve in our behavior? According to, “The frontal lobes are involved in motor function, problem solving, spontaneity, memory, language, initiation, judgement, impulse control, and social and sexual behavior.” Knowing that, one has to wonder why any young person in their right mind would ever marry before they are done maturing (around age 30). In my case, this information about the frontal lobes was unknown to me. No one ever told me to wait to get married or explained this beyond merely cautioning that I might be “too young” even at 21. In the case of those today who have this information, they probably are driven by the hormones that make people wanting to live honorable lives get married instead of just fooling around. Sadly, as the youths mature, they find themselves changing so much that they indeed are not the same mate they married. (I think one important note to highlight here is that the brain, including the frontal lobes, are physical entities. No matter if we act mature, the frontal lobes are scientifically proven to be immature before a certain time. Just as external features of the human mature in certain periods of life (puberty), likewise internal features of our bodies mature in their span of time. Some earlier, some later depending on the individual and heredity.)

Now, I am no one to tell anyone that they should wait until they are in their late 20’s or early 30’s before marrying. Nor is that the intent of this blog article. It is merely to accentuate at least one practical reason it may be wise to wait – you’ll save yourself a whole lot of hurt and you will have had time to formulate what you really want in a lifelong partner besides good looks and sex.

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